Sunday Musings: Calm Down, Learn Quickly, Real > Ideal
December 1st, 2024
Happy Sunday Friends!
How did it get to December already!?
Here is 1 quote I’m musing, 2 Ideas, 3 of my favorite things from the week, and 1 question. If you find it useful or interesting, please feel free to forward this along to some friends or others!
One Quote I’m Musing
“To those who are calm, everything around them falls into place. A still heart sees clearly and is undisturbed by chaos.”
-Cleanthes
As the year winds down, much of my reflections turn towards two simple words: “Calm Down.” None of it is as big as it feels in the moment. The rejection, the insult, the frustration—it feels overwhelming in the moment, and sometimes, it lingers longer than we wish. But we need to remember that we have the power to shift our perspective.
In what feels like a crisis or a high-stakes moment, take a breath, zoom out, calm down, and see the big picture. In the grand play that is your entire life, it’s simply one scene—not the whole act. Zooming out like this, the moment feels very different. It loses its intensity and becomes manageable.
When Emperor Augustus felt his temper rising, his advisor Athenodorus Cananites used to tell him to recite the alphabet to himself before responding. It sounds simple, almost childish, but it’s an excellent way to give space for letting a thing be what it is, rather than reacting to what we think it might be. That pause—that calm—gives us time to choose how we respond.
Over the past year, much of my frustration has stemmed from trying to do something new. Doing something new is difficult; it’s fun, it’s fresh, but it’s challenging. Especially when you’re trying to change the something that’s already in motion. The processes may be set up and working (hopefully), but it’s hard to trust the process when you haven’t experienced it yet. And that’s when the impatience creeps in, and the calm starts to slip.
A great way to “catch up” is to read the manuals, the guides, or the standard operating procedures—the documentation written by those who’ve come before you. When Zeno visited the Oracle of Delphi, seeking guidance on what he should do next, the oracle advised him that he would become wise when he could “come into contact with the dead.” The oracle's words, cryptic as they were, pointed Zeno towards the wisdom of past philosophers—the "dead" whose writings contained the experiences and lessons they had already learned. In other words, the documentation of wisdom.
This is something I strive for every day. Many of us have the opportunity to commune with the wisest and most accomplished minds in our field—but we don’t always take it. We forget the value of learning from others’ experiences and choose instead to suffer through our own.
How often do we take the time to learn from those who came before us, instead of rushing headfirst? Let me give you a personal example that has nothing directly to do with my cyber profession. We have a nice-sized walk-in closet, but it only had two (failing) builder-grade wire racks and a couple of floating cabinet shelves, leaving the rest as empty space. This basic framework that lacks completeness opportunity—a blank slate that mirrors how, in our professional lives, we must often navigate current frameworks and create something structured from a previous design that no longer meets current needs. Much like strategic planning, taking time to thoughtfully design and prepare can turn a lackluster, chaotic situation into a functional and resilient outcome. Just as we decided to add built-ins to our walk-in closet (scope creep?), we must approach challenges in our professional lives to create lasting, effective solutions.
I like working with wood, so I decided to take on this project myself. I’m not a cabinet maker, I’m not a carpenter. But hey, why not, right? I spent more than a hundred hours this month researching, reading, and talking with professionals and hobbyists about how to do it right. As General Mattis once said, “If you haven’t read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate, and you will be incompetent because your personal experiences alone aren’t broad enough to sustain you.” So, I continue to speak with those who’ve already done what I’m trying to do—because they’ve seen the mistakes, they know the shortcuts, and their insights calm my anxiety.
To calm down, realize that you’re going to be slower when you’re new to something. It takes the time it takes, and that’s okay if it means doing it right.
Another thing to remember is to maintain healthy expectations for your situation. We all wish everything in life would meet our ideals, but not everyone or everything is going to live up to that standard. Not everything is going to be fair. Accepting the world for how it really is—rather than how we want it to be—is key to remaining calm. The Stoics called this “amor fati,” the love of one’s fate. To embrace the imperfections in the process, and even find beauty in them, makes all the difference in staying centered. Or, remember that we should be strict with ourselves and tolerant, as Marcus Aurelius would say, with others.
How can we integrate this idea into our daily lives? It’s not just about intellectual acceptance, but about practice. When things go wrong, or when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, remind yourself: this is the reality. Fighting against it only incites frustration. Instead, choose to embrace it.
Stop worrying so much. In my professional life, this kind of worry often manifests as anticipating every possible threat or vulnerability—playing out each scenario until it becomes overwhelming. While foresight is crucial for cybersecurity, there’s a fine line between preparedness and paralyzing anxiety. I’ve always had a habit of imagining every possible outcome, convincing myself it’s just good preparation. But when I zoom out, I see that this kind of constant worry not only drains my energy but also takes the joy out of both work and personal pursuits. Excessive worrying can lead to over-engineering solutions, inefficient resource allocation, and clouded thinking. Seneca said, 'suffering before it is necessary means that we are suffering more than necessary.' How often do we suffer for things that will never happen? I’ve done this plenty—letting my mind wander to dark places instead of reigning it in. Staying calm allows us to focus on what matters, mitigate risks rationally, and enjoy the process rather than dreading what might go wrong.
Being calm allows you to be decisive. For example, during a program I was leading, we faced a $15 million budget cut marked by Congress. Instead of panicking or blaming others, the team and I remained calm, focused on identifying the root cause of the issue, and worked on correcting the underlying problem. Engaging with congressional staffers through calm and precise communication, we avoided escalating the situation. Not only were we able to remove the $15 million mark, but we also gained new allies for our program. This approach of staying composed allowed us to turn a potentially disastrous situation into a strategic win. It allows you to act instead of react. In cybersecurity, calm is essential—it’s how we ensure our actions are measured, logical, and impactful. It’s easy to let an incident or a looming threat get under your skin, to feel the pressure mount, but it’s also dangerous. Anxiety and panic lead to mistakes, and in our line of work, mistakes are costly.
When things are chaotic, I remind myself to be like the rock that Marcus Aurelius spoke of: This is especially important in leadership, particularly in cybersecurity, where maintaining composure amid constant threats and high-pressure situations can be the difference between success and failure. “Be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved, and the raging of the sea falls still around it.” The waves of chaos—of deadlines, of challenges, of the unexpected—will keep crashing, but strive to stand unmoved, calm, and steadfast.
When we’re able to stay calm, that’s when we can find true productivity. It’s not about rushing from one task to the next but about moving through each challenge with clarity and intent. Productivity, in its best form, isn’t frantic. It’s deliberate. It’s the difference between putting together a set of built-in shelves with care and craftsmanship, ensuring it stands the test of time, and hastily slapping together something that will collapse when we add new clothes in.
So as you face your own frustrations, remember to take a breath, zoom out, and calm down. The chaos is not forever. The challenge is not insurmountable. Let the storm rage, but be the rock that remains—strong, steady, and clear-headed. This calmness isn’t just for your peace of mind; it’s the key to your effectiveness as a leader, as a professional, and as a human being finding his way through this noisy, demanding world.
Calm down. Everything is smaller than it feels right now. Take your time. Embrace the lessons from those who came before you. Accept the world as it is. And above all, remember: it’s not about the waves crashing against you, but about finding strength in your stillness and purpose.
Two Ideas From Me
The calm leader sees clearly—clarity leads to action, action leads to success.
Prepare for what matters, but let go of what doesn't—calm is the difference between overthinking and effective action.
Three Favorite Things From Others
Kreg Pocket Hole Jig - This thing saves so much time when building cabinets/shelves/drawers! | More
“Anybody can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. Calm judgment requires practice.” | Aristotle
“If, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but “A’s part in C,” while C loses not only A but “A’s part in B.” In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.” | C.S. Lewis | The Four Loves
One Question
Think about a challenge, or recurring challenge, you are facing. How could you apply calmness or "zooming out" to it?
Have a wonderful week,
I’ll see you Sunday.
-e
